My god…that gun barrel, (gasp) it’s like…it’s instructing me to kill. No, uniforms, I won’t…I…my god, I’m no longer in control of my limbic system. Stop arms, stop! No, don’t strangle the postman, stop! Arrrrghhh, Bud Selig why did you let this happen?!
(This was a selection from my upcoming play: The Colt 45s: America’s Greatest Danger. For those confused, there was a time when the Colt 45s were going to have to go gun barrel-free.)
No roster sheet will you help you now, puny mortal.
Sadly, this happened a lot while I was in Arizona, especially for the split squad games.
(image via Reddit)
Hey, that’s from me.
On July 31st, the Richmond Flying Squirrels will be giving away a Justin Verlander bobblehead. The catch? It will feature Justin in his old Goochland (which sounds like the name for a horrible, horrible strip club) High School uniform. Though if the artistic rendering has any bearing, the team is leaving out the Jeff Kent mustache stain in exchange for a few day’s growth. For shame.
Shockingly, this promotion will pale in comparison to the pony they Flying Squirrels are giving away only ten days earlier. You know, I’ve always said the one thing that would improve my fan experience would be leaving with a pony.
(h/t Hall of Very Good)
Sports Illustrated for Kids was a magical publication. Before I was deemed mature enough to handle Rick Reilly, I was given Buzz Beamer. Before I could be trusted with the swimsuit issue, I had perforarted sports cards, often with athletes like synchronized swimmers that would never have received a sports card otherwise. It’s a publication that holds a special place in my heart.
But I had never once considered the covers. Then Mighty Flynn sent me the link to one and my eyes were opened to the world as if for the first time. If you have any appreciation for visual puns, cheesefests, and pure 90s fun, they are a real treat.
Please enjoy the below covers and check out the SI Kids Cover Viewer for even more ridiculous covers that were either from other sports or just not wacky enough to make the cut.
August 1989. Photo by Jade Albert.
Now we can watch Little Leaguers cry in 3D. That’s progress.
April 1990, photo by George B. Fry III
This is not photoshopped. I can tell by the pixels.
April 1991. Photo by Chuck Carlton/Axiom.
Cecil Fielder is so fat he has his own gravitational pull.
September 1991. Photo by George B. Fry III
Fun fact: Nolan Ryan’s seventh no-hitter was against a team of school children.
April 1992. Photo by Jeffrey Lowe
Two minutes later, Roberto Alomar spat in that child umpire’s face.
I see you, Cecil.
